


White Rice

by askboo



Series: Todd Versus The Universe [2]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Todd vs The Universe, Wendimoor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 21:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13579278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/askboo/pseuds/askboo
Summary: Dirk was ecstatic, but Todd had said, unequivocally, no. He’d been saying no every day since, because going to Wendimoor brought them nothing but trouble.





	White Rice

The difficulty of the office set up of Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective agency was that their desks were all together in one room, which made it entirely too easy for Dirk to be non verbally manipulative - one of his best skills.

Todd was sitting at his own desk, working up an invoice for Tubs and Suds inc (the hot tubs they were selling had spontaneously started opening portals to an underwater dimension ruled by sadistic mermaids). All morning he’d been ignoring Dirk’s pointed looks, his melancholy sighs, his louder-than-necessary and aggressive typing, but Dirk finally got him to look over by balling up a piece of paper and hitting Todd on the side of the head with it.

Todd knew what the paper was without having to look, but even so he bent down to retrieve it, uncrumpling the mauve cardstock and reading over the shimmery gold text.

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the joining of two great families._

_Panto Trost and Silas Dengdamor request your presence at the Purple Palace on the 11th Day of the 18th Moon Cycle._

_Please RSVP via pigeon._

They’d received the invitation mysteriously in the mail about three weeks ago, with a child’s handwriting on the envelope, addressing the invitation to Dirk and Todd and also indicating the “11th Day of the 18th Moon Cycle” meant Tuesday, May 31st. Dirk was ecstatic, but Todd had said, unequivocally, no. He’d been saying no every day since, because going to Wendimoor brought them nothing but trouble.

“Dirk,” Todd said now, finally looking over to meet those beautiful, pleading blue eyes. “We have a lot of work to do. Here.”

Dirk slunk sulkily out of his chair, coming over to brace his arms on Todd’s desk, looking down at him. “But Todd,” he said sadly. “I’ve _never_ been invited to a wedding. Never ever.”

Todd was pretty sure he’d never been invited to a wedding, either, at least as an adult. Thank God, since weddings were awful, and people who got married were even worse. But Todd also knew being invited to a wedding meant something completely different to Dirk. It was someone wanting Dirk there on their most special day. Dirk’s eyes were big and round, and he was chewing hopefully on his lip. This was something Dirk really wanted, and even though Todd knew he was going to regret this, fucking Wendimoor--

Todd sighed and got to his feet. He leaned on the desk too, meeting Dirk halfway as he leaned in to kiss him. “Alright,” he conceded, and tried not to be swayed into happiness by Dirk’s squeal and enthusiastic, grateful kisses. “Although, where we’re going to get a pigeon--”

“I know one!” Dirk said.

Of course he did.

*

The Purple Palace, even Todd had to admit, was pretty spectacular. It was on an island in the middle of the clearest, calmest sea, and all the guests were taken out on parasails. The palace itself was tall and grand, somewhere Cinderella herself might have lived, and all the trees on the island had silver and gold leaves that hummed in the breeze off the water. 

The wedding itself was clearly the event of the century - it seemed everyone in Wendimoor was there. It really was a Fairy Tale wedding, Todd supposed, a celebration of the Power of Love, two families ending a war by joining together. Flower petals fell from the sky as Panto and Silas arrived in a white pumpkin carriage pulled by winged horses, strange instruments played wonderful music as they walked arm and arm up the red carpet towards the minister. They looked so happy that even Todd felt a little lump in his throat, which he kept at bay even though Dirk was dehydrating himself with tears at his side.

Dirk, of course, loved every bit of it, and he made friends with every stranger at their table at the reception. He tried all the strange food he was served and drank more than his fair share of mead. Todd couldn’t help but smile as he watched him - he hated this kind of thing, but he loved more than anything watching Dirk have the time of his life.

The dinner gave way to a dance floor, with a whole brass band to accompany it. It was a perfectly warm night with more stars than Todd could count - everyone was drunk and happy. Dirk was up and dancing from the very first song and didn’t seem inclined to stop. He didn’t know any of the traditional dances but he was a quick learner - soon he was jumping around and looping through intricate steps. He even took Bart as his partner a few times. 

Todd stayed in his seat, snacking on the foreign candies presented as desert. Dirk tried to coax him to dance several times, but Todd declined. He didn’t like dancing in public, and anyway, he felt better if he could see the whole venue - it was almost nine o’clock, and nothing bad had happened yet, which surely meant--

It turned out he was right. About the bad thing happening, and making sure he was paying attention. Panto and Silas came over to see him at one point, thanking him for coming, asking how things were going in Earth, and it was just as Todd was pulling out of one of Panto’s enthusiastic embraces that Todd glanced over the dance floor, and saw that Dirk was gone.

*

Luckily, Panto and Silas were keen for a bit of adventure after a day full of such pomp and circumstance. Bart showed up too just as they were boarding a boat, which cemented Todd’s suspicion that this was just the universe messing with him. It made it easier, though, because Bart knew just where to go. Todd could never really find Dirk when he needed to, only felt that pounding headache that meant Dirk was in trouble, and that sick, tight feeling of despair in his stomach, that if anything ever happened to him--

Also luckily, Wendimoor was about the size of a shopping mall. Bart directed them to a bay off the coast of the mainland. The area had so many long-hanging vines that it was nearly impossible to see - Silas stood at the front of the boat and parted them with the tip of his sword. Finally, they came upon a clearing. A glass case stood on a mound of mossy land, and there was Dirk, fast asleep inside of it.

Todd sighed, aggravated. Of all the fairy tale bullshit he had prepared for, this was--

A bog creature came out of the vines, floating a few inches above the water. It was a witch, or a fairy, Todd didn’t really care about the particulars. Just as the thing opened its mouth to deliver what was probably a long speech about its evil intentions, Todd hopped out of the boat, sloshed through the knee length water, and climbed up on to the little mound of mossy land.

“What are you--” It said in a gurgly voice.

Todd pushed over the glass top, looking down at Dirk inside. He was all pale, except for his lips, which were a bright, cherry red. Todd put his hands on either side of Dirk’s head and leaned down to kiss him. 

A ripple of energy burst out from Dirk, making the water slosh against the boat. Todd pulled back, and Dirk’s fair eyelashes were fluttering open.

“Oh,” the creature said, disappointed.

Dirk was smiling, his blue eyes warm. “Hello, darling,” he said to Todd, just like he did each morning.

*

The party was still going when they got back. Litzbitz whisked Bart away to get her changed out of her greenish-blue blood covered dress. Everyone cheered when Silas and Panto came back in, as if it was usual for the grooms to disappear for an hour or so in the middle of their own wedding reception and come back smelling of algae. The lights were lower now, the music softer and slower, the mood more romantic. The tables had given way to low couches and makeshift beds made out of giant leaves.

Todd had held Dirk’s hand the whole way back to the palace, and he used it to tug Dirk out onto the dance floor. Dirk was beaming, looking way happier than anyone should after being kidnapped, but Todd supposed Dirk was used to it. Todd put his arms around Dirk’s neck and swayed to the music, enjoying that cool sweet relief of having Dirk, warm and safe, back in his arms.

“My hero,” Dirk said, and he leaned down to nuzzle his nose against Todd’s. “My own personal fairy tale prince! So romantic.”

Todd smiled, tilting his head up for a real kiss. His cheeks were a little pink. It was, kinda. Romantic. He stayed up on his toes, letting himself be kissed over and over again, a fairytale prince’s reward for a daring rescue. Dirk looked beside himself, whether at the rescue or the wedding or the fact that Todd was dancing and being openly affectionate, it was difficult to tell.

“You know what it means, don’t you?” Dirk teased.

Todd put his hands on Dirk’s shoulder, leaning back to give him a narrow-eyed look.

“It was a kiss of _True Love_ ,” Dirk said. “That means we’re _soulmates._ ”

Todd stayed where he was, staring at Dirk with parted lips. After a moment, Dirk seemed to feel embarrassed, and Todd watched him pull into himself and prepare to make some excuse for what he had said.

“We already knew that, though,” Todd said, searching Dirk’s face. “You did know that, didn’t you?”

Dirk turned a very slow purple. His eyes got so shiny that Todd knew he was really going to cry. His chest lurched, and he grabbed Dirk by the face, dragging him down for more urgent kisses. “Come on,” he said breathlessly when they broke apart, and he took Dirk by the hand again.

He dragged him off the dance floor, down a series of twisting cobblestone steps. There was a dock, blissfully abandoned, that lead out into the moonlit sea. Todd untied Dirk’s bow tie and unbuttoned his shirt. They got down to their skin and jumped hand and hand into the warm sea. It was the perfect temperature for swimming. Todd swam closer when they surfaced, and wrapped his arms around Dirk’s shoulders, kissed him again.

“It’s forever, you and me,” he murmured against Dirk’s salty wet cheek. “We may not get a magical fairy tale wedding, but it’s--it’s for good, Dirk. I thought you knew that.”

Dirk sniffed, using a free hand to push his wet hair out of his eyes. Then he reached to stroke Todd’s cheek with his thumb. “I did, really,” he said softly. “It’s just...sometimes it seems too good to be real.”

Todd smiled. “More unbelievable than flying horses and a bog witch?”

“Sometimes,” Dirk said, and he pressed a kiss to Todd’s forehead.

“Well--” Todd said, but he was interrupted by a series of fireworks that went off, up in the sky behind the castle. They both turned to watch, keeping afloat with their legs, their arms wrapped tight around each other.

“We could get married,” Todd said, blue and red lights reflecting off his eyes.

Dirk turned to look at him, smiling. “You don’t believe in marriage,” he said.

“I don’t,” he said, and lifted his eyes to Dirk’s. “But I--I mean, I don’t mind the idea, if it’s you.”

Dirk closed his eyes and sucked in his lips, like Todd’s words were a sip of a fine wine he was savouring. Then he hugged Todd tight, their wet cheeks pressed together. “I just want you to be sure of it,” Todd said, surprisingly choked up himself. “Me. This. Us. If a ring is what it takes--”

Dirk turned his head quickly and kissed Todd hard. They almost dipped too far into the water. “For you to even offer,” he whispered. “Means everything to me in the world.”

So. Okay. Visiting Wendimoor wasn’t all bad.


End file.
